9 Ways To Help A Friend through Tough Times

1. Be careful of first reactions 

If you are reading this, there is a good chance you ALREADY know your friend is going through a really tough time. And so, you may have already made the same mistake I did. When I was first told, I felt bad that I didn’t already know, and asked “Could I have somehow caused or provoked this, or unknowingly said something insensitive?”. There are two things wrong with this:

1. Although they are focused on the other person, they are selfish and imply the situation revolves around you.
2. No matter how bad you feel about it, they feel worse.

Obviously try to avoid this response, but if it’s too late, the only thing you can really do is apologise and hope you can move forward.

2. Prepare for rejection

So you know that your friend is depressed/suicidal and you have a heart to help them. Great! Unfortunately, it isn’t easy. You are obviously not going to fix such a big problem overnight. And so, as you offer advice and encouragement, it may be rejected, denied, and thrown in your face. You will find a lot of the things I tell you may involve putting your friendship in jeopardy. Make sure you understand that, and if you want to help, prepare for it.

You might hurt because it seems to be all in vain or because you feel rejected by your friend - but you have to be able to take this for their sake. As Christians, we are called to model Christ in sacrificing what we have. For him it was his life, for you it might be your unproblematic relationship with your friend.

3. Help them stick with Jesus

Hopefully this friend of yours is a Christian, maybe not. In the case of a suicidal person, their physical life is not the only thing at risk. Depression is notorious for damaging a person's walk with Christ, and they may walk away from him. So you need to be careful. To correct someone, you sometimes need to rebuke them, but rebuking is hard to take at the best of times. So ask the person how their emotions have affected their relationship with God. Hopefully they will be honest. But if they aren’t, remember their eternal life is more important than this one, so do whatever you can to help them in their walk with God. 

4. Only share their story if it's necessary

You will probably be asked not to tell anybody about your friend's situation, and yes that is the right thing to do in most cases. But you need to think VERY carefully of the 'why, who, what, and when' of telling someone else - if necessary. 

Why: If you are telling anyone about the situation for a reason that isn’t going to benefit the sufferer, you’re doing it for the wrong reason. I wanted to tell my best mate what my friend was going through, simply because he was the one person I told everything. I needed to decide against that when I asked myself why I wanted to tell him.

Who: Obviously you would only tell a very select few people, if anybody. Only tell people who can help or offer advice and in the case of advice, aim for people you know who don’t know the person.

What: The sufferer's name is a detail you shouldn’t share lightly. I can think of 3 people I told of the situation. I told none of them the name of my friend, simply because I was only asking for advice. If it isn’t helping, don’t say it!

When: Think of people who you may need to tell in the future. Think of possible scenarios where you may need to tell someone if the situation escalates or changes. 

Your friend obviously trusts that you will do the right thing, but what they want may not always be what is right and best for them. You need to do what is right.

5. Tread lightly

Be extremely careful what you say. This might seem like an obvious one, but being depressed could mean the person is less rational than usual, and more prone to taking something the wrong way. A problem I had to face was I am a guy and my friend is a girl. A tip for guys, girls need to feel heard and understood. The problem I faced in regard to this is I had to show I really cared, and was listening. I needed to not trivialise the situation by saying I knew what she was going through, when I really didn’t (not a problem that is exclusive to girls, it can happen to guys too). The fact is, their life is usually going to feel a lot worse than yours, so saying you know what they are going through will be reducing their situation, something they don’t want to hear.

6. Realise you may not be the right person

This is another tip for someone who’s friend is not the same sex as them. A lot of youth groups do single-gender bible studies for a reason, because guys are to encourage guys, and girls to encourage girls. Sure you can help them out, but in a lot of situations, you should point them to a youth group leader or other mature Christian of the same gender that can help them. You don’t want to end up the person they come to with all their problems - it may cause complications in the future.

7. Keep encouraging

Keep offering different pieces of positive reinforcement and encouragement, because depression affects people differently, and you don’t know what might have a large impact on them.I saw a massive change in my friend’s situation after I told her a quote from a movie, that I didn't expect to have any affect at all. Her reacting as positively as she did was a bit of a shock I must admit, but I wasn’t worried as long as it helped. However don't be disheartened by a lack of positive response. I've found, even if they don’t respond to your encouragement, they are happy to know you care enough to keep trying to help.

8. Let them breathe

Be careful that you aren’t going over the top. You have to realise that because you so much want them to be happy, you eventually become a pest. You’re their friend, not their counsellor. Space and friends are both probably things they need, considering the circumstances. You are a friend to them first and that is often something they need more than someone to work through their problems with. Alongside that, guys need to know that girls don’t want you to fix all their problems. Yes, to us the solution is most important, but often girls are more interested in being heard. Just listen. Don’t try to fix everything.

9. Give it to God

At the end of the day, you can’t fix everything. They have to make the decision to move forward, and in most cases they will already know many of the things you are trying to encourage them with. Just keep going and pray that God will help you have insight into the right things to say (and not say), but realise change will only come from God. It all comes back to God, so give it to him, and pray that his hand may be on the situation.

So that’s my experience. Not an amazing guide, but it’s just what I have learned. Learn from my successes and my mistakes. Philippians 2:3-4 does a good job at summing up these points:

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others".

Think of them above yourself, put them ahead of you, and think of how they may feel about what you say and do. Do it for them, not for you.

Grace UnPlugged

Grace Unplugged: The StoryHaving just turned 18, Grace Trey aspires to more than just singing at her church, where her dad—a former pop star—is the worship leader. So, with the help of Mossy, her dad's former manager, Grace records a cover version of Johnny Trey's old Top-10 hit, runs off to Los Angeles, and begins to taste the kind of stardom she's always dreamed about. Yet with each rung of the ladder she climbs, Grace feels more and more pressure to compromise her values, further straining her relationship with her parents. Will everything she experiences lead her to reject her faith … or rediscover it? Watch (and SHARE!) the Trailer

Coming to Theaters October 4!GRACE UNPLUGGED is "a moving and meaningful film that parents and teens should see together; one of those all-too-rare movies that entertains while bringing families closer together." Greg Smalley, Vice President Family Ministries, Focus on the Family We all say we want more films like GRACE UNPLUGGED—faith-based movies your family or your child's youth group can experience together. How do we make that a reality? By going to the theater on opening weekend, October 4-6, you are letting Hollywood know this is your kind of movie. Get your tickets now and spread the word about GRACE UNPLUGGED. Get Tickets Now for Opening Weekend, October 4-6

What People Are Saying About Grace Unplugged"Grace Unplugged is a powerful depiction of God extending forgiveness and mercy toward us all. " Chris Tomlin "Winning performances, a wonderful musical score, and a strong message of God's grace, love, and forgiveness. A beautiful family movie that reminds us of God's grace, forgiveness, and love!" Christa Bannister, Crosswalk.com "Watching this movie is a tremendous experience! ... It is a well-made inspirational story and features good writing, acting, music; the whole works. Don't miss this one!" The Dove Foundation Join the Conversation on Facebook

What Does Your Social Media Accounts Say About You?

You can tell a lot about someone’s life from their Facebook profile.
You can tell what people are thinking about from their twitter feed.
You can tell what things people value from what they capture on their instagram account.
You can tell a lot about what people think is worth sharing from what they blog.

In other words, you can tell a lot about someone from their social media. 

What does your social media presence say about you?

• What’s filling your Facebook wall and your news feed?
• Who are you following on twitter?
• What photos do you post?
• What do you blog about?

The things that fill these different feeds, walls or cyber places, are what we value. They are what we think about and what we spend our time writing about, finding, posting, reposting and sharing. They show where our heart is at. 

As a Christian, we are to be focused on Jesus. Jesus commands us in the gospels to “love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and mind” (Matthew 22:37, Mark 12:30 and Luke 10:27). But does your social media account show that your heart, soul and mind are focused on Jesus? 

So how are we as Christians to use social media for the glory of Jesus? 

Ultimately to use social media well, we want the things we post to be coming from our hearts, minds and souls that are focused on Jesus. In Matthew 6:21, Jesus says that what we treasure is where our heart lies. Does Facebook, twitter or your blog show where your heart is?  

4 things to remember when using social media

Here are a few principals to keep in mind as you go about using social media. Jesus is Lord – plain and simple, and as a result...

1. We should aim to please Jesus is all we do
2. We should aim to worship God with ALL our lives 
3. We are to act in a way that glorifies God in all we do 
4. We need to remember that everything is God’s – there is not one square millimetre of the world that is not His, this includes cyberspace!

“So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”  (1 Corinthians 10:31)

Baggage

“Why do you call me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ and do not do what I say? As for everyone who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice, I will show you what they are like. They are like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete.” (Luke 6: 46-49)

Shine Your Light

"No one lights a lamp and puts it in a place where it will be hidden"

“No one lights a lamp and puts it in a place where it will be hidden, or under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, so that those who come in may see the light. Your eye is the lamp of your body. When your eyes are healthy, your whole body also is full of light. But when they are unhealthy, your body also is full of darkness. See to it, then, that the light within you is not darkness. Therefore, if your whole body is full of light, and no part of it dark, it will be just as full of light as when a lamp shines its light on you.”(Luke 11:33-36)

Taking light in

In the passage above, Luke the disciple/doctor speaks about how our eyes take in light and allow us to see.

Where are the lamps or lights placed in your house? Are they hidden away so no one can see them? Or are they put in places where they can shine brightly, giving sight to those in those in the rooms?

The Gospel of Jesus is the light we all need; through him, we no longer live in darkness. He not only gives us our salvation, but also the love, hope and power to change and grow as we strive to live out a Christian life.

How much light are you taking in? Is your body filled with light?

Shine out the light that you take in

We shine our light by loving people and sharing the Gospel with them. In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus spoke to the crowd saying that God's people are the 'light of the world'. His people are the ones charged with spreading the light and love of God to others. We carry the responsibility to illuminate this sin-darkened world.

Matthew 5:14-16 reads,

You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

Don’t be ashamed of the light!

We live in a sin-darkened world, and all of us are in dire need of the light of our Savior.

Let's open our eyes, taking IN the Light through reading God’s word, and shining OUT the light we take in by loving others, sharing the Gospel, and using the amazing gifts and opportunities God has gifted us with.

When we come together we can be a city on a hill that cannot be hidden.

You are the light of the world; so go ahead, don’t be afraid to SHINE!

Why can’t I see God?

From time to time, everyone struggles with feeling like God is nowhere to be found. Sometimes our prayers just don’t seem to get “past the ceiling.” We ask ourselves why God doesn’t just show up in a way that we can see, touch, and hear Him like we do other people. We can see Him working in our lives and can talk with Him through His word and in prayer, but sometimes it’s hard to understand why God still seems so hidden from us. After all, many people don’t even think God exists! Why doesn’t He just show up and prove them wrong by having a face-to-face with them like in the movie “Bruce Almighty?”  

You're not alone

It’s comforting to know that you aren’t alone if you struggle with this. Any pastor can tell you about counseling people going through a crisis who have had to face this problem head on. Sure, some folks never seem to allow this problem to faze them. Generally, however, most people would likely say that they wish they could experience God’s presence in more obvious ways. In fact, we see this same sort of plea throughout Scripture in passages such as:

• In Job 13:24, Job pleads before God in light of the crisis he was in and suggests that God had distanced Himself from Job.
• In Isaiah 45:15, Isaiah observes that God does hide Himself from His people at times because of their sin.
• The writer of Psalm 10:1 asks why God doesn’t make Himself known when evil men take advantage of God’s people.

3 reasons for God’s hiddenness

The Bible doesn’t tell us all the reasons that God acts the way He does. It does assure us, though, that God’s actions are based on His perfect nature. So, we can begin to think of reasons, which are consistent with His nature, that He might be hidden to a certain extent. Here are a few suggestions:

1. Hidden for our protection. Perhaps God hides because of how His presence would affect us. We know that if a man sees God fully, he will surely die (Exodus 33:18-20) and we also see examples, like that of Isaiah, of those who stand in the presence of the Lord and are utterly “ruined” by His holy and glorious presence (Isaiah 6:1-6). Isaiah’s sin caused him to be overtaken by his guilt in this vision where he stood before the Lord. If God was to become fully present in the world, He would also judge the world by immediately ending the lives of sinners who are apart from Christ. His holiness will not allow Him to be in the presence of sin. Therefore, God’s hiding Himself to an extent is an act of mercy as He postpones judgment to allow many people time to respond to the Gospel. 


2. Hidden for the sake of relationship. God may hide because He wants a particular kind of relationship with us. What would be the effects of experiencing the fullness of God’s presence in our daily lives? Would we still have free will? Consider this—if you had a personal policeman follow you around every waking minute of your day, would you ever commit a crime? You probably wouldn’t even if you wanted to. At the least, you would act very differently than if he wasn’t following you. Well, maybe God hides because He wants us to obey Him out of our love for Him, not because we are pressured into it just because He’s standing over our shoulder ensuring everything we do is perfect. His hiding could be His way of giving us more freedom to choose to obey.


3. Hidden so we might seek Him. Moreover, let’s remember that God is a personal being who loves us. Rather than being constantly overwhelmed by His presence, maybe God wants to give us the opportunity to really long for and seek after Him. Someone once told me that God doesn’t always put His cookies on the lower shelf. What they meant by that was that God sometimes puts the sweetest things in life, like being in His presence, at a higher reach to make sure that those who find Him really want Him. Of course, Scripture teaches us that no one seeks after God if left to themselves (Romans 3:11) but because God sought us, He give us the ability to affectionately seek after Him. 

Are we looking in the right places?

The “signs” of God’s presence in the world may look differently than we expect. Some people say “I just wish God would give me a sign that He’s here with me”. Well, it could be that He does but it’s not what we want it to be. Sure, in some places and at some times God has made His presence known in over-the-top ways, like raising people from the dead. At other times, though, He makes Himself known by transforming people’s lives and raising them from spiritual death. In both instances, God is making Himself known in powerful ways. The Gospel has the power to absolutely change people and this power should be understood as the presence of God as He works among us! 

Are we blinded by sin?

Our sin can keep us from being aware of the presence of God. Paul seems to say in Romans 1:18-21 that everyone knows deep down that there is a God and we know certain truths about Him. However, it is the sinfulness of people that results in our “suppressing” this knowledge. This is not to say that some people don’t really have doubts or questions about God’s presence or existence, but rather that sin has an effect on people that can lead to us ignoring or pushing aside the truth. Sin always muddies the water between what is true and what is a lie.

What about Jesus? 

When we see Jesus, we have seen God (Colossians 1:15). Studying Jesus’ life provides us all the details about who God is and how He loves us. In Jesus, God came to walk among us and taught how we might be cleaned of our sin so that we can experience His full presence in heaven. Through Jesus’ ministry, we see the Holy Spirit come and live inside the Christian, making the Christian sensitive to God’s presence and making him more like Jesus. While we only experience the presence of God in somewhat limited ways now, it is because of our identity in Christ that we have access to God at all! 

Finally, we look forward to a time when we will no longer feel like God is hiding. In Revelation 22:1-5, we see a future place of residence that has been healed of sin’s effects. In the new creation, there will be nothing keeping us from seeing the face of God and there will be no more darkness because of the light of His face. 

Power Of God

I hope you guys had fun for the last few days on Guys Are Waffles, Girls Are Spaghetti. We are going to go back to the devotionals. Hope you ladies are having a great day! 

God is the ultimate being. No one is bigger, smarter, more powerful or more sovereign.

In Ephesians, Paul wanted people to know the following:

 … the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe, according to the working of his great might that he worked in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly places, far above all rule and authority and power and dominion, and above every name that is named, not only in this age but also in the one to come.

I want you to know the same thing. No matter what, who, where, or when, our God is greater.

He is greater than angels

Sometimes you look through your Facebook news feed and see someone posting about their girlfriend and they say, “She’s an angel!”

Well, in the Bible … almost every single time someone sees an angel … they fall down, terrified, and beg for their life. Now if that’s what people experience when they see your special someone, fine. In reality, however, angels are truly powerful beings.

In Isaiah 6, when angels surround the throne of God and speak, the posts of the temple doors move. They shake the very foundations with their cries.

But angels can. They are powerful. Really powerful. But still not near as powerful as God.

God is their creator. God is their authority. God’s will keeps them in existence. They bow down to God, they obey God, they praise God and do his will.

God is more powerful than angels.

He is greater than demons

In Mark 5, we see demons inhabiting a man, causing him to run around crazy, naked in the woods. The people surrounded him and tried to bind him with chains and the Bible says he was given power to break through those chains. Demons are very powerful.

The story continues, however. Jesus comes up to this man and asks the name of the demon. The demon replies, “We are legion for we are many”. You know what happens next?

They beg for mercy. They asked to be cast out into a herd of pigs instead of being cast out of the country. You know what the Bible says? “So he (Jesus) gave them permission. And the unclean spirits came out and entered the pigs.”

Jesus is still in charge of all of their activity. He can cast them out wherever he pleases, and they have no say in the matter. He reigns over them, triumphs over them and has the ability to do with them what he wants. God is more powerful than demons.

He is greater than Satan

The Bible warns us about Satan in 1 Peter 5:8. Peter tells us that Satan is like a roaring lion who walks about seeking whom he may devour.

Now I’m sure that most of my readers are tougher than me. I can barely pick up a donut. But I don’t care how much you work out and how tough you are - if a lion starts charging at you in Starbucks (or wherever you’re reading this), you’re going to run. You’re going to be freaked out. You understand that the lion is powerful.

The Bible says God is still infinitely more powerful!

In Job chapter 1, we see that Satan has to ask permission from God. In Matthew chapter 4, we see that Jesus withstands the temptation of the devil. In Revelation 20:10, we read that one day God is going to fastball Satan into the lake of fire to be tormented day and night forever and ever. God is more powerful than Satan.

God's power for you

Remember the verse from Ephesians 1 that I stated at the top of the post? In that verse Paul says that God’s power is “toward us who believe”.

God’s power is towards you when you face worry, fear and doubt. God’s power is towards you when you face the temptation of the devil. God’s power is towards you when you go to do his work and spread his message.

Rejoice!

If God is for us who could ever stop us?


*Check you this video* (How Great Is Our God)

*How Great Is Our God-Laminin- Louie Giglio*